How Cleaning Out One's Email Drafts Can Be a Good Thing

Sometimes you are convinced that you’re wasting your time in a class that you don’t think you should have to take…..
And then the teacher asks a dark horse question that actually causes you to think and learn, which are worthwhile things…
At times you may get really excited talking about sand, silt, and clay while others around you wish you’d stop thinking about dirt.
Other instances may cause you to wonder why you never seem to know what you’re doing with your life. 
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Sometimes you discover insights about yourself while purging email drafts from 7 years prior....
And you realize you still don't really know what you're doing with your life,

But man, is it a good one!

Signs of a Recent Return

You may have recently returned from a mission in South America if...

You cross the street and stop in the middle of the road.
Your casual walk is thrice the pace of those around you.
Words like "niño", "bueno", or "nosotros" just slip right out of your mouth.
You contact people who are waiting for the bus on your way to church.
You ask, "Among all the books you've read this year, did you read the Book of Mormon?"
You give besos to girls on the cheek when you greet them.
You feel weird when you are alone with your brother's roommate.
You feel most comfortable in the Spanish Branch.
You want to make sure there's another female present before entering any house.
You put the knives and forks on the same side while setting the table.
You only want to listen to Christmas music and watch churchy videos.
You feel like you should have a companion in order to visit people.
You want bread to accompany your meals.
You dish the food on the plates before you serve them.
You keep checking to make sure you didn't lose your name tag.
You sing church and Christmas songs in Spanish all day.
You eat more at lunch than at any other meal.
You prefer washing dishes by hand.
You're not afraid to talk to sketchy-looking people.
You have a low cold-tolerance.
You have no idea what movies or songs have come out recently.
You cannot for the life of you end a conversation in English on the telephone.
You need to talk things out with a companion.
You don't realize that people have started dating other people since you've been gone,
And you forget how normal social interaction goes,
But don't worry.  
You've always been awkward.  
This is just a new variety.

Argentina

The place that you miss every day you're away;
The place....
Where you begin your life of spray-on and roly-poly deodorants.
Where knocking on the doors means clapping.
Where they burn the basura.
Where bread accompanies every meal,
Where the meat is the best part, but you are so excited to eat broccoli.
Where you wish everyone just knew the Law of Chastity.
Where there are kiosks on every block.
Where lunch is the big meal.
Where each region has a distinct accent and its own tune.
Where everything is affirmed, pues,
Where the "s"' are dropped.
Where you are overjoyed when you find a recycling bin.
Where you feel like a legit missionary with your tag flapping and your skirt blowing as you travel the dirt roads.
Where you could win a speed-walking competition every day.
Where there is dulce de leche!
Where there are facturas.
Where the dogs reproduce like rabbits.
Where you help people repent and feel joy.
Where no one answers the door during the siesta.
Where you can watch someone kill a chicken in her yard.
Where grass is cut with machetes and weed-whackers.
Where your milk comes in a bag and it's almost impossible not to spill.
Where you are eaten alive by mosquitoes,
And your knees are whiter than Wonder bread,
But you don't even care
Because you love it there!

Al Gran Pueblo Argentino, Salud!

This pretty much sums up how I feel about Argentina.

Una Misionera

As you know, I claim to be a nonconformist.

Now, your new existential quest is to determine the truthfulness of the above statement...

And then ponder why it's your quest...

Anyway, back to my division from mainstream thought:

I am going on a mission, much like most of the Mormon world.

However, I am not going because everyone else is.

Not for an adventure in South America.
Not solely to learn Spanish.
Not because it's expected of me.
Not to postpone graduation.
Not because I need a way to blow several grand.

And not because I'm 21 and unmarried.

I am going because the message I'll be sharing has brought me immeasurable joy.

That's it! That's the reason! The Gospel of Jesus Christ makes me happy!

So, I'm going to spend the next 18 months of my life sharing it and loving all the rewards and challenges.

It won't be easy by any means, but I've determined to love it all.

Take Life by the Helm

I don’t blame any who live in the past,

For sometimes I just want moments to last.

Change is hard and some just deny it,

But I shall face and mortify it.

Change is hard, but need not be bad

For new things can excite and make one feel glad.

What is simple and easy wears a mask

And joy comes upon completion of a difficult task.

Nostalgia, at times, is good in which to wander,

But life happens once and shan’t be squandered.

We must take life by the helm*

For it is just once that we are in this realm.

History must continue to be made.

If not, we waste time which God to us gave.

Accountable is what we are,

So we need not spend life wishing on a star.

I have gifts and talents to use.

I have time I need not abuse.

Though I may wish to step into the past,

I shall take life by the helm, and not by its mast!

*Title of a speech given by Doug Nielson at an entrepreneurship seminar

~Poem written on 11/19/2011

There and Back Again

A Poemist’s Tale by Smelly Ogre

Three suitcases,

Three sticks of deodorant,

And three flights later…

This chicka returned to her place of origin.

It was the best—going far west

Across the ocean blue.

She got a passport for fun of all sorts

And 15 time zones away she flew.

First was Hong Kong—she didn’t stay long

But, oh!  What a beautiful view.

Next was Shenzhen—learned counting to ten

And had her first duck to chew.

Singin’ her song, she went to Zhenjiang

To the best liaison and school she knew.

Her students were cutest.  Though some couldn’t be muted,

She loved them all anywho.

So much to explore; how could she want more?

She always found something new

And went lots of places with the crew:

Nanjing was first—thanks to church

How they loved to go themselves to renew.

At their Shanghai debut, they learned some Kung Fu

And saw Western seats in the loo.

They went to Xitang—got their Mission Impossible on

Trav’ling in China they hadn’t a clue.

On the way to Xian, the train floor a girl peed on

(Good thing they stocked lots of tissue).

That trip—their trav’ling breakthrough!

Stairs up Huangshan, more rainy than planned…

But the scene with awe them imbued.

Suzhou* was chill—wand’ring at will.

In Yangzhou they went to the zoo.

And her trip to Beijing where she did her own thing

Was what her whole time in China led up to.  

The time arrived when she said goodbye.

With this she had an issue.

She had made lots of friends and didn’t want it to end

But her time was nigh overdue.

For she fell in love (what a blessing from above)

With a land that is home to bamboo.

Needing a last hurrah, grateful for what she saw,

She re-gifted some Asian shampoo.

Then she said, “中国, Adieu.  We’ll keep in touch on QQ!”

She went slightly insane getting on that plane,

But she made it back in one piece, not two.

And now she is back with many a task,

Unsure of what will ensue.

But she’ll say, “China, I miss you.

I will always remember our grand adventure

For you taught me things of great value.”

But what strikes her most—of such she can boast,

Is how much her life has been moved.

Hobbit-Style Door Reminiscence

*Indicates a breach in the chronological order of the trips she took.

Remember When

When you say that you won’t come back from China like your Asian brother, make sure one of your qualifications doesn't involve returning with Asian shampoo...because someone might just give you some as a gift…

And then you'll either have to take it home or evaluate your opinion on re-gifting…

When you think there’s a giant slug that’s invaded your room and you wonder how it made it to the 7^th floor, don't freak out.  Remember the bruise on your banana you threw away earlier…

When you bring a poncho to Shanghai, be sure to make sure it wasn't made for armless people…in case you want it to be an effective shield against the rain…

When you like the fish on your plate more than the egg dish, just remember that you are in a place very different from the place where you grew up…

When you feel guilty that someone’s paying for all of your stuff one day, remember the driving force in Chinese culture that cannot be stopped…

When a cat tries to enter your office late at night while you're there using the internet, remember that it’s just a cat…who might have rabies, but who is most likely harmless…

When you're feeling sad about saying goodbye, remember that having a difficult time doing so means you have a lot to love…

When you don’t know how to return to the life you knew before, remember the life you've lived the longest and remember that you can do ANYTHING!

Heck, you lived in China!